A life changing event

I switched my dumb phone over to a smart phone over the Thanksgiving holiday I spent in Columbus because my sister made me do it. I had been paying a few dollars a month for an HTC Android for a couple of years, along with a low-data plan, but the unit sat on my shelf unused because my dumb phone did everything I wanted in a portable communication device; it made and received calls, sent and received texts, directed me to call voicemail when messages were there and alerted me on its landing page of any calls I'd missed, with the phone number and time of occurrence noted, and any texts I'd received. Plus it fit into my pocket and it had a slide out keyboard.

The new phone, not so much. At least where I can find the stuff that I'd like to know about, like when I receive texts, of any missed calls, or about waiting voicemails. Plus my fingers are too fat to quickly type on the on-screen keyboard, and auto correct and/or auto fill are killers. "Courteous" is not spelled "curious" and they mean vastly different things in a sentence. 

Plus the new phone, being bigger and thinner, doesn't fit into my pocket anymore and if I slip it into my back pocket, like I see all the cool kids do, I fear it will slip out or I'll sit down forgetting it's there and break the thin instrument right in half.  So I carry it in my hand, when I have it on me at all, like all the self-absorbed people I see around me do, except that I don't hold it up to my face constantly and stare reverentially at it non-stop. 

When a call comes in, I don't usually answer it successfully.  Especially at 55 mph.  I hear the ring and see the green button alright, but I haven't figured out whether it's a swipe or a poke or a stab and hold on the greenie thing that starts the connection yet.  It seems to me that it has been all three things in the past the few times I have answered it in time, and whatever technique that worked the last time doesn't work the next time.  I think the device is sentient and trying to give me apoplexy.

The only thing it shows me when I poke the phone icon, in addition to the number keypad, is the last call I successfully had.  But if I touch that flag it immediately dials the number, not knowing that I want other information like when did I speak to that person and for how long.

Five days into using the new old smart phone, AT&T texted me that I had already used up my data for the month and they were billing me another $20 for another 300MB.  That was the plan they sold me two years ago, based upon what I said then my internet usage would probably be.  I didn't know how I even used up 300MB since I never went to the Internet on the stupid thing (I didn't know how, or desire to go to the Internet on it).  Knowing people told me that things were "running in the background" was how that happened. So I shut the phone off and kept it off to save my data. This was not progress. It drained dry every 18 or 20 hours anyway, whether I used it or not.

Frustrated, I went to the AT&T store and complained bitterly about the phone. The nice man there listened patiently, saw how old I was and didn't take my recriminatory statements personally, probably figured correctly that I didn't have any kids in the house (the real solution), and informed me that AT&T no longer sold my model phone or the plan I was on.

He put some things on my landing page that were useful, like a Google button and a Travel button for GPS, saying they probably should have spent a little more time with me at the AT&T store in Columbus when they swapped out my dumb phone for the two-year old model I had. 

I said, for instance, I hadn't received a voicemail in a month and how could that be? I didn't even know how to call my voicemail.  He took my phone, prodded a couple of times and handed it back to me with the first of many unlistened-to voicemails I had stored up playing.  I asked how he did that. He said to go to the phone's number pad and push and hold "1".  That connected me to voicemail and played any outstanding messages.  I asked how I was supposed to know that, and he just gently said that people had to tell you that, is all.

So now I have settled in to listen to 29 voicemails dating back to December 1st.  The ones older than that have probably been deleted.  I listened to 8 last night, oldest first and all way out of date, before I got bored and left the rest for today.  At least two were at least 3 minutes and they were excruciatingly long.  The two most interesting ones were the same but days apart, a computer-generated woman's voice informing me that my Microsoft Windows license had expired and I needed to call this 800-number immediately to get it restored.  Since I swore off Microsoft forever when they saddled me with the terrible Windows 8 system years ago when my old computer died, and I went to a Mac after junking the new computer with that Windows abomination on it, I don't know how my Microsoft Windows license "expired" but I'll sure call to rectify it right away!

The man at the 7-Corners AT&T store suggested that I change my plan to a 3GB plan, which I was going to do but when I called AT&T customer service they upsold me to an unlimited plan for "only $10 more."  The AT&T store man also suggested that I keep my obsolescent phone for now, because it was like a "trainer model" that I could practice on.  A wise man indeed; he didn't try to upsell me to a fancier phone that I can't use and don't need.

Oh, the adventures I'll have with this new/old phone.  I have heard from more than one person that possessing a smartphone is a "life changing" event, and the small implement "contains your life" in it. Forward!