Sunday, November 30, 2008

How I feel

On Thanksgiving morning, I called the only phone number I have for any of my three now-adult children who are thoroughly estranged from me due to my seven years of survival divorce litigation against my ex-wife (and them--she had them sue me as minors during the litigation, and they haven't spoken to me since the day "their" case got tossed). It was disconnected. So I drove by my ex's former house two miles away, the last address I have for them. I knocked on the door but received no answer. I could see through the barren porch window that the interior was empty and the house was being gutted.

I knew the ex had moved away, having remarried this summer. She has been hiding her new address from me and thereby any contact I might have with any of my children through her. I posit this for you: Have all of your children VANISH forever in the next moment, and see how you feel for the next half-decade.

So then I went to work the finish line at my club's 5-mile Turkey Trot in Alexandria,. Do-good work to generate a feel-good glow on a holiday. Later that day I went to a tofurkey dinner at my girlfriend's house that turned out to be a very short evening as she gave me my walking papers. I'd been with her for awhile. She's a non-runner and always resented this part of my separateness from her. Beyond that factual observation, I have nothing bad to say about her. I miss her.

This year just keeps getting more and more momentous.


ShirleyPerly said...

Hard to be with someone who resents such a key part of your life. Maybe this breakup will open up the door for someone new to come by.

Chrissy said...

I'm so sorry you have to endure all of this. The holidays are tough and with the absense of your children it becomes a grief process. Rest assured I returned home to my mom after many years from alienation. They will return as for your girlfriend sont sell yourself short. She might or might not be the one for you if it is meant to be she will return. If not it is better to know now rather than later.

Rainmaker said...

Sorry to hear.

But - I did also see you at the finish line. It didn't fully process in my head it was you - but I do remember seeing you. In fact, I almost actually asked you a question. I don't remember what the question is at this time, but almost stopped. Bummer!

Petraruns said...

I'm so sorry to hear all of this - what raw pain it must continue to be without your children. Unimaginable.

So sorry to hear as well about your new partner - but I'm with Shirley. it's a big part of your life and a big part of your way of dealing with everything else. It is part of you and has to be taken on, along with everything else.

jeanne said...

oh hell, i CANNOT believe i didn't even ask how your thanksgiving was--or the gf!!

having your children vanish overnight--I can't even begin to imagine the anguish. i can only hope that one day they will come out of their trance. you can never recover the time lost however.

as far as the ex-gf, well, all i can say is: now there's another eligible bachelor on the market, which is always a good thing. :)

David said...

GF was jealous, I think. Couldn't steal you from a true love of running. Maybe she'll see the value in it after a spell of longing.
After 30+ years, Mrs. T relishes those hours I am out running and out of her hair.

Sunshine said...

I agree with Shirley and Jeannie: well said!!
So sorry about your Thanksgiving.. and your boys, Peter.

CewTwo said...


Sorry to hear. It must be very frustrating. I am so sorry for you, my friend!

AND... I don't blame you at all!