I'm Invisible.

I paid $113.11 as my co-pay for three prescriptions at Kaiser today. I saw that the future had arrived for me. I am old now, because I am going to be regularly taking pills by the handful each day.

Whenever someone takes my pulse, they comment, You must be a runner. It's usually in the 40s. Whenever they take my bloodpressure, they get up to look for the doctor. It has been hammering away lately at over 100 on the low end and over 170 at the high end. Someone who regularly runs 25 miles a week and races once a weekend shouldn't have b/p that high.

I have no doubt that the four years of nuclear domestic-law litigation I recently emerged from, and my estrangement from my three sons who sued me during it ("their" suit was tossed out by the Court as "harassment" and their Mother was sanctioned for it), has a lot to do with my sky-high b/p. I would have died, literally, if I didn't have running during those awful years.

So now I'm on multiple prescriptions. Fistfuls of pills. Welcome to AARP.

As I wrote out my first check over $100 for a necessary set of prescriptions for me, I wryly commented to the pharmacist, I guess I'm old now. $113 for pills!

She ignored me, blankly looking away as she waited for me to finish writing the check and hand it over. I am old because I am invisible to most younger people.

A friend who is single tells me that now that she is past 40, she's invisible to everyone. I don't know why, because I think she is beautiful. She's trim and fit in addition to being tall and good looking. And sometimes when I'm with her, I will see a man scrutinize her with that look animating his face.

It's my belief that women don't look at unfamiliar men in order to avoid getting locked into that look. Maybe that's why my friend doesn't notice it when men look appraisingly at her.

In any case, I'm invisible now and feeling it.