Wednesday, January 30, 2008

General Shake

Before the 2006 NYCM I bought an Aspen "running" watch at a drug store counter for $15. It was single function stopwatch/wristwatch and it took me through the five boroughs, exactly recording my time of 3:52:34. Manufactured in China, I call it my General Shake watch, imagining him to be the inventor of the timing device as well as the brother of the more famous General Tso, creator of the tasty chicken dish. The timer's instructions are as hilarious as they are incomprehensible. I am not making this up.

The instructions are a half page of written text and a page and a half of schematics with brief explanations accompanying each diagram. They are a little hard to follow, despite the lavish illustrations. For instance:

STANDARD SIGNAL AND FUNCTOR

TO SHOW ALARUM TIME PRESS S2 UNBEND, REMAIN NERMAL.

It identies the power source as

(Bettery: Cr2016)

The really funny stuff is in the written instruction section:

MORE FUNTION SWIMMING SPORTS WATCH INSTRUCTIONS

INSURANCE CARD

This product would be insuranced all functions well by our company, since you buy it within one year. If the product malfunction, our company would injust or repair it free.
But when following conditions happened, you should pay the ray material fee.
. When you didn't obey the pay attention matters lead to the product damage.
, Battary were used up and appearance fade, scar etc. You must show the insutance card when it repaired.
Date buyed:
the retail dealer's seal:
(The card will effective after sealed by te retail dealer.)

Next Up:

PAY ATTENTION MATTERS

...electron meter can bear the generalshake. But it must be avoid within strong collide. Strong shake. Used rudely and falled...

General Shake wrote this section, I'm guessing. Wait til you read about the sofy cloth.

5 comments:

Susan said...

Ha ha ha! At least it kept your time.

Sunshine said...

Another good NYC marathon story!!

CewTwo said...

I use a (origin unknown) stopwatch also. Mostly for Jeepin' though. I time the On-Board Air when filling tires. I have a mental algorhythm that seems to work great! I have a reputation.

People I ride with expect 2 questions, "How big are your tires?" and "What did you air down to?"

Hook up and run!

Just12Finish said...

Up until high school, I had to take Mandarin as a 2nd language. I'm pretty sure my written Mandarin appeared much much worse to my teacher than that English appeared to you and me, or is that you and I?

Dori said...

I'd say you got your money's worth. :-)