The Sofy Cloth

My fifteen dollar made-in-China Aspen Sports Watch came with some pretty specific instructions about its “funtion.” Yesterday I shared with you how its insurance card said “this product would be insuranced all functions well” by the company. The owner’s manual grabbed your attention right away. (Below: My Aspen Watch still going strong at 3:37 during the NYCM, even if I'm not.)

PAY ATTENTION MATTERS

. Becatse the electron meter made by precise electron spares, so you can’t dismantle sillfully, except appoint expert.
. It can’t be pushed button underwater while you swimming.
. It must be repaired right now by the appoint expert while there have some water vapor.
. The electron meter can bear the generalshake. But it must be avoid within strong collide. Strong shake. Used rudely and falled on the spolit place.
. It can’t be used in extremely hot or bitter cold weather.
. It can’t be washed in chemistry matters. Soap. Otherwise it will corroded the rubber sheet of the surface. So it can only be cleaned in sofy cloth.
. It can’t be carried in strong electric field and static electricity cytle etc.
. Lot electricity will be lossed if long using cool light crystal.
. Cool light is not to be seen under sunlight.

I have enjoyed this little instruction booklet even more than the watch, which I don’t use anymore. The timepiece sits on a shelf fifteen months after my 2006 NYCM, still showing that marathon’s net time of 3:52:34, with its “alarum” going off at 7 am every morning.

But from reading these delightful directions, I know the Aspen Sports Watch can “bear the generalshake” so long as the “strong collide” is avoided. If you invented this watch, you would want it to bear your name too, and you certainly would be appalled if it was “used rudely.”

I think General Shake created the “sofy cloth” too, with which you can clean “the rubber sheet of the surface” without having to resort to washing it “in chemistry matters.” I’ll bet the sofy cloth could clean anything. (Right: Is that a beauty on my right wrist or what?)

That’s what I would like to obtain the franchise for, the sofy cloth. Anybody know how I can contact General Shake?